Happy 25th of April and Penguin Day!
by Eogrus
Summary: The Avengers go to Portugal, but the Avaneger Penguins want to kill them?


Captain America and the Avongers were summoned to fight crime. They went to a country they never heard off before...PORTUGAL! They were flying above Lisboa, the capital of the huge river Tejo.

"My, the weather sure is breezy here" said Black Widow, who didn't like Boreas' lecherous hands on her shoulders and nostrils.

Suddenly, the ship got out of control! It began to shake everywhere like a tremor induced malaise, and Falcon's cup of coffee got spilled, electrocuting him and making him explode, leaving only well roasted bits and pieces of arms and legs.

"Mm, tastes like chicken" Arsenal said, and everyone agreed.

But as they had their feast, an evil presence emerged from the water.

"Haw haw haw those petty poser fools shall pay...WITH BLOOD!" said...THE AVENGER PENGUINS!

Yes, those british penguins got faded into the supple darkness of obscurity, all thanks to those pesky Averngers that STOLE THEIR NAME! So, the four Sphenisciformes swam in the eastuary evilly like ducks, they casted an evil spell from all the mana from the distant islands and sewers. The Oceanário got shaky and spooky, and all the glasses BROKE, so a huge flood came to their command. Lots of people died as the sunfish escaped and beat them all to DEATH in the flood water, especially little children.

"Oh no all the children are dying!" said Captain America with much furor and pitifulness in his heart of lead.

"But the chicken is really good!" moaned Tony Stark, he was eating Falcon's remains with spaghetti.

"No!" Steve said, slapping Iron Man's face, "You must atone for your sins, lest the fires of indifference consume your immortal vesicle!"

The Avengers then got out of the airplane, letting it crash on the Tower of Belém. Lots of rubble fell and crushed thousands of people to death, blood and shit running down the streets and into the sea, where the Avenger Penguins drunk with much pleasure.

"Mm, I love the ice cream in this poo" said the green one, banging a prostitute full of hepatitis.

As the Avengers regrouped in the middle of the street, there were tons of car accidents, and fire and metal soon tinged Lisbon.

"Aasvengers, we must get a plan to defeat the evil penguins!" said Vision.

"How do you know?" said Hulk hungrily.

"I am psychopathic, I can read ppl's minds" said Vision wisely.

"Perhaps I can help thee..." said a mysterious voice.

It was...DOG MENDONÇA!

Meanwhile, at sea, all the penguins were joining in an army of evil. First came Mumble and his megaboobied whore Gloria, then those wrestling surfers from that crappy Surf's Up sequel, then Penpen, then Gunther. They all came out of the sea and began to act like hooligans, drinking bear, vandalizing public property and defiling corpses. All the portuguese were cool with that, because they played soccer well.

"Accuse me, do you want to join our neo-nazi cult and resurrect Salazar Slytherin?" said the Nova Portugalidade.

"nO" said the penguins, and they ripped them to shreds and ate the faeces inside their intestines.

Everything was getting out of hand, so Dog Mendonça lead the AVengers way from the chaos into a bar. There, lots of undead people were: Luís de Camões, Fernando Pessoa and Sophia Mello Breyner.

"Then I totally took a dump on the editor's lawn and it was exactly like the golden boy!" said Sophia, drinking some wine.

"How will this help us defeat the penguins!?" said Tony Stark, who was touching women's cleavages and getting slapped until his armor was destroyed.

"We must make haste" said Floribella, Caillou's corpse adorning her necklace. She turned it around to lick his putrid, shit-encrusted anus.

They went up the stairs to the bedroom. It was very shitty, full of flies, the mattress was rotten, shitty water filled the carpet and the windows were cracked. A half-dead pizzaboy was naked and had cables grafted into his limbs, necrosis consuming his lower arms and calves up to his shrivelled, purple and jerky-like genitals. Scarlet Witch much liked, and began to rub her pustule-ridden sour pussy.

"Thy is mine assistance, pizzaboy" Dog Mendonça said coldly, "Though must copulate with in in order to generate enough Yang energy to kill the Yin penguins!"

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Hawkeye asked?

Dog Mendonça shrugged.

Well anyways, Steve began fondling Tony's crotch sexily and taking off his clothes, except he went commando under the armour and had none. Black Widow and Scarlet Witch thought it was very sexy and began to fondle each other lesboly, which aroused Hawkeye and Hulk a lot. Only Vision had no one to fuck, but Sophia Mello Breyner offered to blowjob him, so it was okay. DOG mENDONÇA fingered pizaboy's confetti-filled anus, and all the Yang energy manifested as a light brighter than the sun's, burning the Avenger's flesh from their bones like pink cake paste upon the sweetened soft cries of oblivion.

"No!" the penguins shouted, but their eyes exploded like cancer balloons, their feathers were set on fire and their sternums ripped themselves from their arms, revealing dried, dissecating brown guts.

All the light condensed in a powerful sun in the shape of a bright red clove, the symbol of revolution, of everlasting piece.

And all that light dried out the Tejo river and the sea and set everything on fire.

Oh well.

Amen.


End file.
